Echo
by SheeWolf85
Summary: Frisk has nearly lost herself to depression. Who better to help her find herself again than her best friend, Sans? 1st person Frisk. Oneshot. Platonic Frans. Rated T for some semi-intense mental health issues.


A/N: I was looking through my WIPs the other day and realized that 3 of them are completed. This is one of them. I started this...something like a year ago, I think? I didn't think it was finished at the time, but after re-reading it I realized it already had the perfect ending point for what I was trying to say.

This is first person Frisk, sometime after a pacifist route and she didn't accept the offer to be ambassador. Basically, a reason to write out my own feels and frame them with Undertale. The title and some inspiration came from "Echo" by Crusher P. You can listen to it on YouTube here: youtu dot be slash i92AZxL6Wl4

Remember, y'all, that you're not alone. Even if it seems like there is no one in the world who will listen when you really need someone, there are hotlines set up just for you. 1-800-273-8255 is the national suicide hotline. 741741 is the Crisis Text Line. Please, utilize these resources. Your problems are not meaningless, you won't be bothering anyone by calling or texting these lines, and you are important.

Okay, that being said, please enjoy some sad, depressed Frisk.

Also, come join me on Tumblr! Sheewolf85 dot

* * *

Echo

How long had I been standing there? I didn't even know. It felt like mere seconds and lifetimes all at once.

The face that stared back at me didn't like her reflection. It was plain in the twisted grimace on her lips and the cold distance in her eyes.

She barely looked like me. My hair used to have more volume and vibrancy than the flat, brown tresses she was sporting. My eyes were pools of golden brown that seemed to sparkle in the sunlight, but hers were dull and looked lifeless. My skin was healthy; I took pride in looking my best. Her complexion was all over the place with dark circles under eyes, acne on her cheeks, chin, and nose, and redness on her cheeks and forehead.

She probably hadn't washed her face in a week. Gross.

I mean, she was me, so I knew how long it had been. It had been a week and a half since I'd worked up the energy to shower, much less wash my damn face. I was a disgusting wreck; an echo of my former self.

I shook my head and sighed at the girl in the mirror. Thankfully, she copied me. It was eerily creepy to see myself like this. I had gone so far downhill that I looked like someone else.

With a groan, I turned away and started the shower. I really didn't want to do this. I wanted to lay in bed instead of facing the torture of today. There was no doubt in my mind that Toriel was going to be there, and Papyrus, Sans, Undyne maybe…Alphys would probably see right through me the instant I got there. She knew all too well the effects of anxiety and depression on a person.

I pushed the thought aside and let the hot water spray down on me. It felt nice.

Once clean, I got out and dried off. My hairdryer had died a long time ago, so I wrapped my hair up in the ragged, blue towel and set off to get dressed.

My clothing, like my reflection, had undergone a major change. Instead of the colorful sweaters and tight pants I used to love, I found myself wearing black or gray everything. Today I was going to decide on black jeans and a black t-shirt. It was too hot out for a sweater.

I looked down at my arms for a brief moment before I decided I would have to melt in the heat. Not a single monster there would forgive me if they saw what I'd done to myself. I had just wanted to feel something…

Shirt changed, I went back to the bathroom and took out my makeup kit. Concealer was a gift from the gods; it managed to bring some life back into my dull existence. Foundation, eyeliner, mascara, and just a little bit of lip gloss to finish the job. There; I looked a little more like the old me.

As my fingers numbly tied the frayed laces on my shoes, I wondered to myself why I had agreed to this. I could have claimed that I had too much homework and no one would have doubted me. I could have said I wasn't feeling well…although then Toriel would have insisted I go home with her so she could mother me back to health. That wasn't going to happen anytime soon, so instead of thinking of something witty to say to excuse myself, I agreed to go to the damn luncheon.

It wasn't really a luncheon. It was a family get-together. We hadn't had one in years, mostly because Sans and Alphys had gone on to become amazing scientist and were changing the world. It wasn't their fault their jobs demanded so much of their time.

I suppose I could say that Sans being away for so long had something to do with how I'd changed. I wouldn't ever tell him that; he'd feel so guilty, and that wasn't okay with me. He was doing great things; he didn't need to babysit me on top of it.

Without my best friend, however, it was hard to find someone else to confide in. Papyrus wanted to be a great listener, but he insisted on fixing any problem I had. Sometimes it wasn't about fixing something. Sometimes I just needed to talk, and Papyrus didn't really understand that. Toriel was like Papyrus; she wanted me to be happy and so would try to fix all my problems. Undyne was usually off with Alphys so I couldn't talk to her anyway. I had a feeling she was just as fix-ated as the rest of them.

Heh.

Sans was the only one who really understood that some problems didn't have fixes. He knew because he had his own non-fixable issues. He'd talk to me about them on occasion, but then he got this job through Alphys and started working so much he didn't have time for my petty problems.

The first time he'd brushed me off was still the most painful. I know he didn't mean to. He was busy, as usual, but he'd never been too busy for me even when he worked three different jobs. Because of that I had mistakenly assumed he'd still be there to listen.

"Look, Kid, I know you got shit you're goin' through, but I gotta work. I'm sorry. Talk to ya later."

We didn't talk later. I had asked him to call me when he got home that night, but he never called. Not until about two weeks later and I was already knee-deep in shit so hard to control I couldn't really talk.

It wasn't like my issues were anything so big. I was lonely, but it was more than that. The more Sans and I grew apart, the more I felt like a different person.

Ever since the barrier broke, Sans and I had been inseparable. We did nearly everything together. We helped each other figure out how to deal with the humans.

I didn't really want to be the ambassador, so I passed up the opportunity when Asgore gave it to me. He had said that was fine; he took the role instead. He was a great ambassador, too. The fact that he was truly a good king came to light with the way he negotiated things with the humans. Toriel even wanted to forgive him. She made him fight for it, though; she didn't want to just move back in and call him her husband again.

Now, fifteen years after the barrier went down, they were happily married again with two new children. They'll never forget Asriel, but Goriel and Albert give them the kind of peace I really wished to obtain one day.

Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I briefly fantasized about calling Toriel to tell her I couldn't make it today. With a sigh, I finished tying my shoes and finished getting ready.

* * *

The sunlight hurt my eyes. Everything was so bright!

The monsters around me loved it so much. The kids were running around, thoroughly enjoying the warmth on their skin. I sat in the shade with my plate in my lap as an excuse to not get up. I was still hungry, I'd say; I wasn't ready to go running around in the scorching heat.

As I had predicted, Toriel and Papyrus had asked me what was wrong when I got there. I made up an excuse of not feeling great, and they both asked me if I needed their help. Alphys had given me a look that she knew something was up, but she didn't ask.

I had seen Sans once, but he was currently out with the kids. It was nice to see him so happy. They were playing some form of ball game where they'd throw it as far as they could, and Sans had to catch it. He cheated by teleporting a few times, and they'd yelled at him each time. It was pretty funny to see him pretend to be scorned.

"What's up, Kiddo?"

I looked up to see Sans sitting next to me. Apparently, I'd blanked out again watching the kids.

I smiled as best as I could. "Not much; you?"

He was breathing heavily and grinned at me. "I'm almost exhausted. Those kids have more energy than they need."

My smile was honest that time. "They sure do."

"What's with all the black?" He picked at my sweater. "Goin' to a funeral?"

"Yeah, yours!" I pretended to punch him, and he pretended to die. It was ridiculously funny, although I couldn't say why.

"You'll have to try harder than that." He sat back up and looked at me for a second before his smile faded. Crap. "Frisk, what's wrong?"

I looked down only to have my vision suddenly swimming. Had my eyes watered without my permission? Oh, this was lovely. I wiped away a tear I hadn't felt fall and sniffled.

"Nothing."

Like he was really gonna believe that.

"Yeah, no. You wanna take a walk?"

I looked at him to see in his face that it really wasn't a question. He'd teleport me home and corner me if he had to; he was going to make me talk. I cleared my throat and nodded.

Sans told Toriel where we were going and took my hand before teleporting us into the woods. My head swam for a brief moment before I caught my bearings. Teleportation always had a way of making me dizzy.

"Alright," Sans started. He sat on a boulder not far from where I stood. "Spill your guts, Kiddo."

I wanted to. My stomach heaved, and I turned to throw up in the leaves of a nearby bush.

"I didn't mean literally!" he all but screeched. His hand was on my back and rubbed as I heaved again. "Hey, it's okay, Frisk. You're gonna be okay."

After I finished, I wiped my face and pulled up my sleeves. Sans helped me over to the boulder he'd been sitting on and let me rest for a few minutes.

"You okay?" he finally asked.

I sniffled and shook my head. "No, I'm not." I wiped my eyes.

"What happened?"

I felt a bony finger slide along the most recent cut in my arm. The pain was a mix between a burn and a sting. I hissed and pulled back.

"It was…nothing. I tripped." Stupid.

"Heh. You must've tripped and fell onto a blade three times with exact precision. Who knew you were that coordinated." He took my arm.

I flinched as he looked over my scars. He took my other arm, and I let him. I was so done with everything. Who cared if he was going to hate me for hurting myself; I hated myself more than anyone else ever could.

"Oh, Frisk," he breathed. "I never thought you'd have it this bad. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you."

I almost looked up in surprise. What got me even harder was when he lifted my arm again and kissed the fresh wound.

I looked at him in astonishment for a moment.

"You know what happened." It wasn't a question; it was a statement because of course he knew I'd done this to myself.

He nodded and began to gently rub old scars. I tried to pull back. He didn't want to let me at first, but then he let me go.

"I've done the same thing," he said without emotion. "Why d'you think I wear long sleeves all the time?" He pulled up the hem of his shirt to show me his ribs.

Cracked. Hurt. Chipped.

"Sans!" I couldn't help it. I'd never seen his injuries. Granted, I'd never seen his ribs before. But, how did he do that? "Why did you do that?"

He met my eyes. "Why did you do that?" he asked, gesturing to my arms.

"I…" I didn't know what to say. I looked down at myself. "I wanted to feel."

"Because you felt empty, like a hollow version of yourself?"

I could only nod.

"And you thought that maybe if you felt something, you'd come alive again?"

Another nod. My whole soul hurt at the idea of him understanding what I was going through.

"But you didn't ever feel anything other than pain, right? And soon, the pain didn't even hurt, so you had to do more. You—well, I—had to break something harder. You would have had to have cut deeper. For me, it was small chips at first. It escalated to big chips, then cracked bones. I broke my leg on purpose once, just to see how it would feel." He shrugged. "It hurt, of course, but…it wasn't anything new. There was never anything new until you came along."

I looked up at him then. "Me?"

He nodded. "Yep. You, Kiddo. You made me feel something for the first time in a very long time. At first, it was suspicion. Then it was anger because I didn't know what you wanted. Maybe trust, then hope. Man, hope was the big one. I knew if you broke the trust I had in you it would probably kill me. But, you didn't." He reached out and took my hand. "You made me feel happy again. I was scared when the barrier broke. But, it was an emotion, so I welcomed it."

I nodded again and reached forward. He pulled me into a hard hug. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Why?"

I sniffled. "That you had to go through that."

He shook his head against mine. "Don't be. You helped me out, now let me help you out. What can I do?"

I pulled back and shrugged. "If I knew what would help, I would have done it ages ago."

He nodded. "Why didn't you call me?"

A bitter laugh. I tried not to blame him. I couldn't blame him.

His face fell anyway. "Oh. I was too busy, wasn't I?"

I just shrugged. "It wasn't your fault."

"I know, Frisk, but I'm sorry anyway. If I hadn't been—"

I couldn't let him think that. "No. If I had told you how bad it was then, you would have dropped everything and come to me. I know you would have. I didn't, because I wanted you to have this job and all the great things I knew were going to come with it." I squeezed his hands. "I tried to talk to other people. I really did, but they all wanted to solve my problems."

He squeezed back. "Sometimes they're just not fixable."

I shook my head. "No, they're not. I'm still sorry I let it go this far." I looked at him again. "You won't tell anyone, will you?"

"Heh. Only if you won't. Paps knows about this because he caught me once. Nobody else knows."

I nodded once. "My lips are sealed."

"Thanks, Kid. So, what started this whole thing?"

We talked for ages that night. The sun was already down when we finally emerged from the woods. Toriel was still there, but Asgore had taken the kids home. Papyrus rested back on Mettaton. Alphys and Undyne had already gone home with their kids.

"Is everything okay?" Toriel asked as soon as she saw us.

I gripped Sans' hand for courage. As we got closer, I let go so I could give her a big hug.

"Not really, Mom."

"Oh…" She hesitated a moment before she hugged me back in earnest. It had been years since I'd called her that. I knew it hurt her feelings when I stopped, but I felt like if she and Asgore were going to have more kids, then I wouldn't be her child anymore.

That was the first thing that started my change.

"My child…" she squeezed back even tighter for a moment before she let me go. "Please, tell me what I can do."

I looked at Sans for a second. He nodded in encouragement. I cleared my throat and met Toriel's eyes again. "You can listen for a little bit." I said it as a question, even though I knew she'd be more than happy to do just that. She nodded. "I mean, not try to solve anything. Just listen."

She smiled. "I can certainly do that."


End file.
